Tag Archives: pain

May5

Full-Swing Spring

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Full-Swing Spring

This spring the birds keep singing as the flowers keep blooming at a speed I can’t quite keep up with. Is it my age or did spring come lightning speed this year? The fruit trees and dogwoods have lost their petals weeks ago with the April showers and storms. It is the first week of May and some irises and peonies are already in full bloom. A hummingbird came flying by the last day of April. So, on May Day we welcomed hummingbirds with a filled feeder of sugar water Dean prepared. As spring is amping up, I thought to get my herbs and geraniums planted in pots for the front porch garden. A hard freeze is unlikely by now. I had to put off my gardening project for a few more days for other reasons.

“When one flower blooms, spring awakens everywhere.”~ John O’Donohue

By April 15 we had taxes paid, but I developed a backache that increased in sciatic pain until I could barely walk or sit. Only relief was lying flat on the bed with a heating pad and pillows to elevate my legs. A couple days off from work turned into 10 days. With x-rays, an MRI on my back and hips, and a visit to an orthopedic specialist, the conclusion is I have much arthritis in my back and joints, and two bulging discs. The vertigo returned from tossing and turning while dealing with the pain. A muscle relaxer, anti-inflammatory, physical therapy, and rest were prescribed. My employer didn’t accept my doctor’s note with limited physical activity, so I am now a substitute cook for all St. Charles County locations. I can accept or deny work as my body tells me. I cannot tell you when those bulging disc occurred. Apparently, I am not good at listening to my body. I am determined to be a better listener now and in the future. I have met some new people with this new season in my life, which has been fun.

I finally potted those herbs and geraniums. Tai basil, rosemary, and oregano in one pot. Common sage and pineapple sage in another. And finally, my beloved lemon thyme and English thyme live together in a pot. Ready for my upcoming workshops about baking with lemon-flavored herbs. More on those workshops later. The Italian basil was chewed on so badly that I put it in its own pot away from the other herbs. Whatever insect likes it can eat it to a stub, but please for the love of God, stay off my other herbs.

“I love spring anywhere, but if I could choose I would always greet it in a garden.” ~ Ruth Stout

Mar25

When The Heart Aches

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When The Heart Aches

“I’m fixin’ to get into some trouble. You comin’?” the meme says. When the heart aches, sometimes there is the temptation to escape it all and bring company along with. Get into some kind of trouble while having fun. Anything is better than this pain. Truly, my heart is aching, but I am not aiming to get into trouble. I love my Lord and Savior Jesus too much to go that route. Ready to have happy times again. It had been 4 weeks since Dean and I’s mental and body rejuvenating vacation to the southeast coast. A baby shower for a beloved niece brought some joy, and for Dean guy time at the shooting range with his brothers, sons, and father this past weekend. My heart still aches for the loved ones whose mental illness leads them astray. My heart aches to witness painful steps, one after the other of a faithful mother. My heart aches to see poverty rob a person from becoming all they can. Do you see and feel that kind of heart ache, too?

Then there is loneliness sometimes even in the midst of all the family and work obligations. I have done this thing called family life for so many years. Not always a good wife, mother, daughter. But tried to make family my priority. To be honest, family and friends fall short like I do. We are human, and all need Jesus. Go down memory lane, I realize decisions I would have made differently as a young adult, wife, mother, grandmother, adult child, employee, and neighbor. “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending,” wrote C.S. Lewis.

Jesus, heal my aching heart. Comfort those who my heart aches for. Bring them through another day. Let them know Your love. God, show me what You want me to spend time on today, in this winter season of my life. I may be getting older, but I am still willing to do Your will. Good works do not replace home life. Family and friends do not replace Jesus. Jesus. We need You.

The recently deceased country singer Toby Keith presented this song before his passing. Words so eloquent…

Don’t let the old man in
I wanna leave this alone
Can’t leave it up to him
He’s knocking on my door

And I knew all of my life
That someday it would end
Get up and go outside
Don’t let the old man in

Many moons I have lived
My body’s weathered and worn
Ask yourself how would you be
If you didn’t know the day you were born

Try to love on your wife
And stay close to your friends
Toast each sundown with wine
Don’t let the old man in

Many moons I have lived
My body’s weathered and worn
Ask yourself how would you be
If you didn’t know the day you were born

When he rides up on his horse
And you feel that cold bitter wind
Look out your window and smile
Don’t let the old man in

Look out your window and smile
Don’t let the old man in

Sep29

Melody and Pain

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Melodies from such as Norah Jones and Eva Cassidy soothe my wracked nerves and body. I hurt some days more than other days. This past weekend and this Monday has been rough. Not sure what causes my pain, but stress definitely adds to it. Its not the weather, as it has been gorgeously sunny 60 – 80’s this past week and more the same this week. Since the kidney and bladder infections in May and June, I have pain in my belly, pelvis, and back at random times. Recently, one specialist said my symptoms may be caused by a bladder disorder called interstitial cystitis, “IC”. I see another specialist in October for more tests. One theory of its roots are its to be an autoimmune response much like other weird disorders I have such as cold-induced angiodema,fibromyalgia, and apacia. After another stressful and dutiful day with employee benefits and a water pipe burst onto our floor, my body aches tonight. Much on my plate at work and home these past weeks. My Dean gave me a massage already, with another before sleep takes over. We will listen to soothing music, let the melody take over the pain. Meditate on this scripture. Alternative medication, holistic healing.

Nov12

Whirl Wind Day

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Frozen Leaves
“Dull November brings the blast,
Then the leaves are whirling fast.”
~ Sara Coleridge

Veterans Day means another day off for the government worker. In the past, Dean and I have used this day for a long weekend trip, catch up on doctors’ appointments, and/or chores around the house or greenhouse. This year the whirl wind day encompassed doctors’ appointments for all three of us. The cold air literally blew in while we traveled 1 hour north for our labrador’s annual veterinary exam. We visited my father’s cementary site. Old flowers withered and brown, and I forgot to bring a sprig or two of colorful leaves and mums, Dad’s favorite flower. Not sure the wind would have allowed them to stay. The whirl winds brought the last of the leaves down, and a stark-gray filled this November afternoon. It followed us back to St. Charles County, Missouri.
My youngest daughter is in the hospital once again with major back issues. We make our way over to their apartment to watch after the two grandkids when they arrive home from school while our son-in-law stays with my daughter at the hospital. A congenial disorder she found out a few days ago, same as her older sister. My heart aches. A mother despises the pain her child is in no matter how old the child is. A sense of comfort envelopes me as I spend time with Libby and Brendan. The grace of God is evident in this family. We gathered under fleece throws while watching a Disney classic. The wind whipped about outside the patio window, frozen leaves nestled in the corner of the deck. Their three cats take turns for a gander as the howls come and go all evening. Spits of snow tell us winter will follow this whirl wind day. Good-bye autumn, my achey joints are not ready for winter yet.